The Phone, the Post Office, and the Postpartum Depression

Two years ago, I heard the announcement that Apple was planning to release a phone.  Having been a Palm phone guy for years, this excited me.  I’m a totally Apple fanboy, I admit it.  I nearly crapped myself as I read the live bloggers posting pictures of the first iPhone and transcription of  Job’s announcements.  My wife and I switched to AT&T in anticipation.  Unfortunately, the first-gen iPhone was priced out of my reach.  A year later, they announced the iPhone 3G.  I could easily save up and purchase this one.  Right about the time I had the money saved up, I got a job at Belmont, who offered to provide a cell phone for me…and uses AT&T for their service.  After some wheeling and dealing, I got my first iPhone.  I tried to hide my giddiness as I opened the package and turned it on.  I began to find uses for it in my daily work: taking pictures of error messages, downloading to-do apps to keep track of what I had left to work on, etc.  I used for personal stuff too: music, pictures from vacation, & addresses for eBay sales.  Thus begins my folly.

Saturday, I went to a foreign post office to mail a wah pedal I sold.  Not foreign, like in another country (I’m in Nashville for Pete’s sake!), but foreign like, it’s not the one I normally go to, foreign.  There was no one in the room when I entered, but I could hear the postal workers jabbering the back.  I used their automated machine to print the shipping label, but it requires that you write the sender’s name and address.  Woodbine is apparently the ghetto in the burbs because all the pens were missing.  So I fetched one from the car and when I got back to the counter, I set the phone down and copied the address.  This is where my nightmare begins.  I put the pen in my pocket, picked up the package and put in the mail tumbler, and walked out the door.  I got in the car and started driving to my parent’s house for my birthday dinner plans when Anna mentioned something about her phone and I panicked, realizing I didn’t have my phone.  I immediately threw the car in reverse and zipped back into the parking lot.  With my eyes glued on the front door, Anna began calling.  No answer.  Parking in front of the front door, I ran back inside… no phone anywhere.  She kept calling.  I didn’t hear any vibrations or her ringtone.  Nothing.

We called at least 20 times, sent multiple text messages with offers of cash to return it, begging, pleading – all to no avail.  There was only one person in the post office when I returned and I asked him at least twice if he had seen and he said no.  The grumpy backroom guy said he didn’t see it in the mail bin (I thought maybe I had dropped in with box by accident).  It was just simply gone.

The most horrifying thing about it is that the phone didn’t belong to me.  I already had images of my boss screaming at me and sending me home crying over a lost phone and a lost job.  By the grace of God, she wasn’t upset.  She wasn’t sure I’d get a replacement phone, but there was no yelling, no screaming, not even a red tint to her face.  She just called the AT&T rep to check on a replacement.  He called back the next day saying there would be no free replacement and the phone would be full price ($600 – ouch!).  I work for a specific college too, so the dean would have to pay for it since she paid for the first phone.

Having used an iPhone for two months, it will be difficult to use anything else.  Sure, other phones can do all the same stuff, but after driving a Porsche for a while, do you really want to go back to your old Toyota?  I haven’t heard the dean’s answer yet, so there’s still hope.  If they say no, then I’ll probably have to hold out.  If the school provides a cell phone, it would be stupid to pay for another cell.

Pardon My French

I read this article on Hypebot today and I can’t help saying: WTF??!?!

It appears that performance rights organizations (PROs), ASCAP, BMI, & SESAC, are suing AT&T Mobile over their use of the 30 second clips of songs in order to sell said songs.  These are the same clips that iTunes, Amazon, and pretty much every other digital store use.  The PROs want royalties paid on every single play of those clips, which, if they win, would be billable to all digital stores.

Does anyone else see a problem with this?  While I understand that they are fighting for their writers and all that, why can’t there be a more sensible way of doing this?  Collecting these ridiculous fees from every digital store will mean that the stores have to increase prices, which will directly translate to fewer sales, which will hurt the labels, artists, and writers because they will make less money.  Idiots!

I think I know what’s behind all this though.  The music industry is reeling from the change of power.  They used to tell everyone how, when, and where they can consume entertainment.  Since the dawn of Napster, the iPod, and Myspace, this has changed to the consumer deciding when, where, and how.  Which means labels loose tons of money from not selling whole CDs, but rather singles.  They want their power back.    They attack Net Neutralilty to get rid of file trading (as if that would work).  They attack internet radio (to prevent people from hearing music from just about anywhere).  They push for insane powers from Congress (think DCMA).  They attack terrestrial radio by demanding fees for what amounts to advertising for them.  Then they demand royalties from clips that sell their products.  I swear, some day, they will demand royalties from people who whistle melodies while working or walking down the street.  The idea being, if they can undo all this change and put things back to the way it was (with brick & mortor stores, etc), then they will make tons of money.

One problem: the cat’s already out of the bag.  Sorry guys, but you need to adjust.  Find an innovative way to make money or you will simply die out.  This is the last, desperate screams from an industry that has a terminal disease and is in it’s death throes.  So here are some solutions for you Muzz Buzz, in case you’re reading:

Focus on the fan to artist relationship.  Quit trying to squeeze every last dime of out people, just let them get to know the artists, what they are about, etc and these people will throw money at you.

Become the filter.  It used to be that labels were the filter to all things good.  They picked the cream of the crop, put them out there and everyone knew it was the best stuff around.  Now, labels are a joke.  They sign people who honestly can’t sing and make them into stars.  They put out mediocre bands and let the truly talented ones go indie.  Focus on the talent aspect of music again.  Combined with #1, this an unbeatable formula.  People flock to artists they trust/know who are truly talented.

Learn where to charge for stuff.  Greed always gets the best of these guys and they want to charge for everything (see today’s story as an example).  However, the smart people will realize that if you charge for certain things, yet give the rest away, it will result in huge sums of money coming your way.  The current plan is just going to drive people towards file trading and excludes the industry from making any money at all.  Instead, license the crap our of anything that will distribute your product.  License Bittorrent.  License the ISPs.  License everything.  Make it cheap though.  People want music, but your 80′s & 90′s prices are simply too much.  When the world went digital, prices plumeted.  You just didn’t know it.  Now, people can get whatever they want for free (file trading).  So license this stuff so at least you make SOMETHING from it.  But since it’s digital, its not of hig quality, therefore not worth much.  5 cents per track is reasonable.

Fish your head out of your a$$.  I’ll admit, this probably won’t happen.  Just like most of the ones bove probably won’t happen either.  It was worth a shot.